


Leaving Hell

by astrangerfate, orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Religious Themes & References, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-08
Updated: 2009-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-22 18:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/241236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangerfate/pseuds/astrangerfate, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hasn't touched you once since he got out of hell. Not like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaving Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing, make no money, and mean no harm.
> 
> "Heaven and Hell" coda, spoilers for 4.09 and 4.10

You knew it was going to happen, from the way his eyes got a little softer when he looked at her. The way they used to get when he looked at you. And the way she treated him, like some kind of hero. He was always a sucker for that.

So, yeah, you knew it was only a matter of time, provided things slowed down long enough for everyone to catch their breath, and him to get her alone, or close enough to it.

He hasn't touched you once since he got out of hell. Not like that. Hasn't let his eyes or his voice get soft around you. He starts getting drunk, he finds some skanky bar girl and lets it out with her. You haven't asked about it. He wouldn't answer anyway. It seems like he'll do anything to get out of an actual conversation with you.

Even when you told him about Ruby--and that was an accident, a stupid one-time thing that was never supposed to happen, and it was only because you were lonely, _so goddamn lonely_ without him--he didn't seem upset. Before, he might have decked you one. He would have been furious that you touched someone else, let alone a _demon_. At first you thought he was going to get angry, when he stopped you, but no. He just didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to hear any of it. Didn't want to think about his brother that way.

You're sure it's because of something that happened to him in hell, or just after. Something Castiel said, maybe. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. He shut down, shut you out. You're not getting in. You're not getting through to him.

After they disappeared, you fell into an uneasy sleep. You don't sleep sound anymore, not the way you used to. It hasn't been easy to get a good sleep since... the Trickster. Since the last time you lost your brother. You thought it was for good, and it wasn't. You thought this time was for good, and maybe it was. Even after Dad died, he wouldn't talk to you, but he still touched you.

He was upset when he came to you, woke you up. Upset because his fucking angels gave him an ultimatum. And you were angry, you were so fucking angry that he would have let them drag him back to hell to save her. Because doesn't he know what that would do to you? You wanted to ask him, wanted to hit him, wanted to make him tell you exactly what the hell he was thinking, selfish bastard, but you didn't. Because he chose you.

He was always going to choose you, he told you, not even a question, but he was trembling. Like he wished he could have made the other decision, even. You wanted to tell him she was a fucking angel, they didn't have anything in common, they had no history. Not like the two of you. But you didn't say anything, because he chose you, and that was supposed to make it all right.

It was supposed to make it all right, but it didn't, because his eyes still got glassy when his precious angel took off, like he was sorry for her, being forced back to where she belonged. It wasn't all right. There was still a handprint on the window that he should have bitched about. He should have been out there with his glass cleaner and a one-hundred-precent cotton cloth, sitting in the back seat taking care of 'the only girl for him,' but he wasn't. It didn't make it better.

He might as well have not chosen you, for all the good it did either one of you.


End file.
